Overheard On Campus: Why does my boyfriend always fall asleep after sex?

Posted on September 13, 2011 by Ty Achilles

The easy answer is that having sex is hard work! How long or how often you both have sex will certainly effect whether he is falling asleep as well. Keep in mind that after a long day of work or classes, physical activity of any sort might wear someone out.

Additionally, when a person experiences an orgasm, a hormone called oxytocin is released. This hormone, sometimes called the “love hormone,” has a calming effect and may just be the cause of his sleepiness.

The bottom line: Whether he’s worn out from a long day or the sex itself tired him out, there is nothing wrong with catching a few Z’s after doing the deed!

Good luck and be safe!

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Social Intelligence: Surfing for a soulmate

Posted on September 9, 2011 by Ty Achilles

Contributed by Amanda Anastasio, MSW, LCSW

I’m noticing a growing trend in reports of a certain type of relationship. Students report being in a relationship with someone they’ve never met in person, made possible through the amazing advances in Internet technology. How might this work, you ask?

These couples watch YouTube together, play computer games, talk through Skype, listen to music together, send photos, talk through gchat or a similar chat site, and the list can go on. There’s so much you can do with someone online! The bond that forms can feel very real, even if you never go out to dinner together, hold hands in the movie theater, or share a real kiss.

While keeping an open mind about all kinds of relationships, it’s also imperative to recognize the differences between a quality, respectful, mutual relationship and one that is not, no matter what the medium is. And for the record, dating through an online site, such as match.com or okcupid.com, and then eventually meeting up, is completely different from “dating” exclusively through the Internet, which is what I’m addressing here.

The problem that I hear as a counselor is that one person starts to fade away, which is quite easy to do in cyberspace, leaving the other person confused and frustrated. It seems like the two people had much different perceptions about what was happening in this daily or nightly communication. They never spoke about their perceptions because the contact is brief and often filled with fun, new, and exciting romantic exchanges.

For example, while one person believes it’s a relationship, the other one is thinking it’s an entertaining distraction while on the computer or a new type of thing they’ve never tried. One person may think there’s no future because of the distance or the nature of how it started, and the other person may be basking in the online relationship destiny that came true.

Limited face time makes it hard to reach the higher levels of intimacy that other couples enjoy and that’s necessary for long-term health in a relationship. It can be fun to chat with someone, to share music, ideas, and be creative, but sharing your heart and soul with a person you’ve never met is risky business.

When the person fades away, there’s no explanation, no closure, and it can be hurtful and confusing. You may think you knew all there is to know about that person you spoke to for weeks or months every night, but without the real-life contact, what you know barely scratches the surface of the other person’s life.

I’m not implying that people are lying to each other online ‒ actually, research shows that people are more likely to lie over the phone than in email or text messages. But it’s not about who is lying, it’s simply this: there cannot be intimate knowledge and mutual love in a relationship in which the two people have never met. What it sounds like to me is that a strictly online relationship can turn to confusion, hurt, and even stalking.

The bottom line

Don’t put your life or feelings on the line or even on hold for someone in cyberspace. Think of an “I love you” that only occurred through cyberspace or social media as having ¼ of the value of an in-person “I love you.” My rule of thumb is to take love on the Internet like I take my daily coffee: very light. With sugar on Fridays only! OK, enough about me …

A little lightening up can help you keep your valuable heart safe and ready for that real, respectful, mutual love that may be coming your way!

In the meantime, keep your sights on being the kind of person you would want to date – interesting, funny, enthusiastic about life ‒ whatever floats your boat. Keep online relationships light, and save the heavy stuff for someone whose hand you can hold.

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Sexy & Savvy: Summer fling

Posted on August 12, 2011 by Ty Achilles

Contributed by Rebecca Smith, MA, LCPC, CSAT

Summer can be known for casual hookups. The warmer weather pulls you outside and gives you more opportunities to meet people. Instead of staying in on a Friday night to watch a movie, you might decide to go out with friends because you can’t stand to stay inside when it’s so nice out.

I also have a lot of students tell me that they stay in touch with high-school friends on Facebook and tend to hook up with them while they’re home for the summer. Other students tell me they tend to meet new people at their summer job. Sometimes meeting up with old friends or meeting new ones leads to a summer fling.

But what happens when you realize that you’ll be leaving to go back to college in a few weeks? Summer seems to fly by! In May it seems like August is so far away. Then all of a sudden Fourth of July is over. August is now looming before you. You’ve met this great person while you’ve been at home for the summer, but now you aren’t sure if it’s just a summer fling or something more. How should you bring this up, or should you bring it up at all?

Keeping the relationship “undefined”

One thing that’s very common with college students these days is not wanting to define the relationship. Lots of students tell me they want to keep things casual and not complicate the relationship by putting a label on it. However, leaving to go back to school is a complication that will eventually define what it is you’re doing with this person, whether you like it or not. Even if you don’t discuss it, in August there will be a fork in the road.

Up until now it’s been all fun and games. You’re living in the moment. Time has a way of speeding up just when you’d like it to slow down.

Just having fun

For some people this decision will be easy. They just wanted to have some fun, and both people are okay with saying good bye once summer is over. Others will find they fell harder than they expected. If this happens to both parties it can be a great thing. The natural course of things takes place, and your relationship becomes deeper and more meaningful. You both decide to keep things going in a long-distance relationship when you go back to school.

Getting serious

Then there are the students who get caught up in a summer fling and actually fall in love with someone who doesn’t fall in love with them. This is the ultimate fork in the road you were trying to avoid.

You meant to keep it simple, but your heart took a detour. You don’t want to, but you can’t keep from wanting more with this person. This is when it gets complicated. It’s a fact of life that we don’t always get to choose whom we fall in love with. Sometimes it’s with the wrong person, and sometimes it’s just the wrong time. Even though you try not to say anything to ruin the casual fun you’ve been having, the end of the summer is drawing near. This usually pushes people to ask for things they know in their head they can’t have, but their heart pushes them to try anyway.

It’s complicated

So you finally get the courage to bring up the possibility of staying in touch. They hopefully will be completely honest and tell you they are moving on now that summer is over if they truly don’t have feelings for you. It sucks, but at least you know where you stand.

Sometimes, however, they aren’t so honest. They agree to stay in touch, but you find after you leave that it’s always you who has to initiate a text or phone call. This can drag things out for weeks or months after you’ve gone back to school. I won’t lie and say it’ll be easy to go through this, but at some point you’ll realize the summer romance is really over. You’ll be sad, and maybe you’ll have some regrets over decisions you made.

Learn from your mistakes

I try to encourage students not to regret the past but to learn from it. If you did things you regret, then make a vow to yourself to do things differently in the future. If you feel you made a horrible mistake, sometimes it helps to talk about it and give others a chance to learn from it. If your only regret is that you fell in love with the wrong person, then don’t feel too bad. It happens to the best of us at some point.

I hope that later in the school year you’ll be able to look back on this summer and remember it with a smile rather than a tear. I think it’s great that you took a risk. Sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn’t. We don’t always know how things are going to work out, but that doesn’t mean we should be scared to put ourselves out there. Sometimes you lose in love, and hopefully this school year or next summer will work out better for you.

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Body Sense: Fad diets = bad diets

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Ty Achilles

Contributed by C. Claire Armagnac, B.A.

Let’s face it. Fad diets are the Lindsay Lohans of the nutrition world. They have horrible reputations, and they’re disorganized, damaging, and unhealthy, but they still continue to make headlines and have millions of devoted fans.

Most of us have a coworker, friend, or friend-of-a-friend who has lost weight by following an extreme, temporary weight-loss plan, more commonly known as a fad diet. This month’s post is an exploration of the dangers of some of the more popular fad diets. It also includes tips on how to choose a smart nutrition plan that can work for you. Click here for more Body Sense posts.

First Offender: The Cabbage-Soup Diet

This fad diet has a devoted following and its own creepy website where you can download an e-book that provides you with “tips on how to survive the full 7 days on the cabbage soup diet.” Survive? Yikes!

According to the health information site WebMD, dieters who follow the cabbage-soup diet’s nutritional guidelines are encouraged to eat a bland, chunky soup that consists of cabbage and other vegetables, along with fruit, a few servings of brown rice, and plenty of water. This diet is only supposed to be followed for 1 week at a time and promises 10 pounds of weight loss.

Although the allure of losing 10 pounds in such a short amount of time may be tempting, WebMD (and anyone who has taste buds) strongly advises against this diet. It doesn’t provide a wide range of vitamins and minerals, and the number of calories consumed while on it is so low that fainting, dizziness, and lethargy are common side effects.

So unless you want to put your health at risk and feel like a wilted bag of coleslaw, this diet is not for you.

Second Offender: The hCG Diet

Although not as well-known as the cabbage-soup diet, this nutritional nightmare has garnered media attention in recent months because it promises weight loss of up to 30 pounds in 30 days.

Diet participants consume less than 500 calories per day while receiving injections of hCG (human chorionic gonadotrophin), a hormone naturally secreted by women’s bodies during pregnancy. The hormone is supposed to make dieters feel less hungry even though they’re eating very little.

It’s suspected that the hormone causes a nonpregnant woman’s body to dip into its fat reserves to find fuel for metabolic functions, such as maintaining a constant heartbeat. The body’s consumption of its fat reserves is supposed to lead to rapid weight loss, but it can also lead to an unhealthy alteration to the body’s metabolism and liver function.

If this diet sounds like sketchy pseudoscience, that’s because it is. Its effects on men haven’t been studied, but it’s probably risky for both genders and should definitely be avoided.

Third Offender: The Baby-Food Diet

Celebrities such as Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston are rumored to have used this diet to lose weight before movie shoots, and it’s become popular because of its deceptively simple nutrition plan.

Advocates for this diet explain that baby food is safe to eat because it’s mainly made of fruits and vegetables and it contains pure nutrients. While this may be true, baby food is in no way considered an acceptable substitute for all of the fiber and flavors we get by consuming real food. Eating enough small jars of baby food to feel full will get expensive and will probably still mean consuming at least 1,200 calories per day, which will cause weight loss to be gradual instead of rapid.

You may be able to lose weight on this diet, but you’ll gain it back once you start to eat normally again. This diet isn’t worth your time or money, especially when there are plenty of ways to lose weight that are safer and more enjoyable.

Smarter Choices, Better Results

One of the best ways to start losing weight is by keeping track of the number of calories you currently consume. There are many apps for iPads and smartphones that can help you keep a diary of your diet and exercise habits ‒ my favorite one for the iPad is called Calorie Counter. These apps are useful because they link into the websites for many popular restaurant chains and provide nutritional data for everything from Chili’s boneless wings to Cracker Barrel’s biscuits. They also provide estimates for the number of calories in common foods such as yogurt and cheese.

If you don’t have a smartphone, keeping a paper journal of the foods you eat can be just as effective. Simply knowing that you will have to admit on paper to eating 6 Oreos or a whole basket of fries can be a deterrent, and seeing your daily diet written out can help you to recognize days of the week or times of the month when it’s difficult for you to eat healthfully. By being realistic about the number of calories and types of foods you consume, it will be easier for you to make changes, such as replacing whole milk with skim milk and eating a sandwich on one slice of bread instead of two.

Exercise is my personal favorite way to lose weight and maintain physique because it can be fun (a lot more fun than eating endless mounds of cabbage!) and can have physical as well as emotional benefits. Adding a few hours of strength training or fitness classes to your weekly schedule may not cause you to lose 30 pounds in 30 days, but it’s much safer than any fad diet and can also promote heart health and longevity.

What do you think, readers? Are there any other risky fad diets that we should be on the lookout for? Send me your feedback at carmagna@stetson.edu! Click here for more Body Sense posts. Share this post by using the buttons below.

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Overheard On Campus: What types of food will help give me energy throughout the day?

Posted on July 13, 2011 by Ty Achilles

Contributed by Brooke Vanevenhoven, R.N., M.S.N., A.P.N.P., & Dr. Chris Hayes, M.D.
Introduction by Tyler Achilles, B.A.

Have you seen those commercials for 5-Hour Energy? You know, the ones in which they talk about the “2:30 feeling” – when you’ve just about tapped out all of your energy in the morning and early afternoon and now you’re tired and sluggish? We all have that feeling from time to time. How can we avoid that “2:30” feeling without drinking loads of caffeinated soda or coffee or (even worse) guzzling down a 5-Hour Energy? Check out what Brooke Vanevenhoven, a nurse practitioner at the University of Wisconsin – Oshkosh, and Dr. Chris Hayes, physician at University of Louisiana at Lafayette have to say about keep up your energy throughout the day. For information on similar topics, check out the Overheard On Campus category or log in to MyStudentBody.

Brooke Vanevenhoven, a nurse practitioner at University of Wisconsin – Oshkosh, says …

We get so many mixed messages about nutrition. No carbs, high protein, low fat, gluten free. It leaves our heads spinning sometimes. To break things down very simply, our bodies need a variety of carbohydrates, fats, and proteins in order to function properly. Our energy comes primarily from carbohydrates. The key is choosing the best carbohydrates to energize our bodies without consuming unnecessary calories.

When choosing carbohydrates to energize your body, it’s always best to choose options that not only fill you up, but also nourish your body. Whole grains are good options when choosing starchy foods. They take longer to digest and stick with you longer, provide a good source of fiber, and reduce the risk of many chronic illnesses. Whole grain breads and cereals, including oatmeal, are great breakfast options, especially if you avoid added sugar. Read the labels to be sure you are getting 100% whole grains.

Another great source of carbohydrates for energy is fruits and vegetables. By selecting a wide variety, including many different colors of fruits and veggies, you will get various vitamins and minerals as well as flavors. Try to include at least five varied servings daily. One small piece of fruit or a cup of greens or chopped veggies is considered one serving.

As Americans, we have access to a lot of snack foods, breads, pastas and other carbohydrates that provide us with absolutely no nutrition and empty calories. Sure, you can eat a couple of chocolate chip cookies and feel energetic, but when you eat these kinds of carbs your blood sugar peaks quickly. This provides a short burst of energy, but will drop just as quickly, leaving you feeling sluggish and craving something more. In the meantime, you will not have nourished your body with anything it needs to function properly.

Bottom line, get your energy from healthy sources of carbohydrates: whole grain breads, pastas, and rice; and fruits and vegetables. Include a wide variety for nutrition and avoid the carbs that have no nutritional value. Combine that with a balanced diet including lean proteins and you will have the energy you need without all the extra baggage.

Dr. Chris Hayes, a physician at University of Louisiana at Lafayette, says …

I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying “you are what you eat”, and that’s certainly the case when it comes to keeping your muscles strong and your energy level up. Everything you eat is eventually broken down into three basic molecules: sugars, amino acids, and fats. A proper balance of the three keeps your body running smoothly.

To keep your blood sugar levels steady, your energy up, and your muscles in good shape you should eat several small low sugar meals every day that contain complex carbohydrates (like whole grains), vegetables, fruits and lean protein (like chicken, fish, or lean beef). Vegetarians can do the same by combining legumes (beans) and grains (rice, wheat) together in the same meal for protein. Don’t miss meals even if you’re trying to lose weight. Your blood sugar will drop and your metabolism will slow down, reducing your energy level. Keep whole grain/high protein snacks on hand for days when you don’t have time for a sit down meal, and drink plenty of water. Dehydration can make you feel just as run down as low blood sugar can.

Advance planning is the key. If all you have available is junk, you’re going to eat junk. If the good stuff is available, that’s what’s more likely to go in your mouth, and home-prepared meals are often cheaper than fast food. So plan what you’re going to eat for the day and pack it in a lunch box or mini-cooler. Your body will thank you for the effort.

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Sexy & Savvy: Safer sexting

Posted on July 6, 2011 by Ty Achilles

Contributed by Rebecca Smith, M.A., L.C.P.C., C.S.A.T.

You’ve heard of safer sex, but what is safer sexting? It’s being smart with your phone while sending sexual texts or pictures to others.

Sexting results from advances in technology enabling new forms of social interaction. Messages with sexual content historically have been exchanged over all forms of media. Newer technology like smart phones and iPads allow the transmission of photographs and videos, which are intrinsically more explicit and have greater impact. Sexting can socially dangerous specifically because material that’s sent through these newer technologies can be very easily and widely propagated, with the originator having no control. Read more about the history of sexting here.

Proceed with extreme caution

I’ve heard many students talk about receiving or sending a naked picture from/to someone they knew. It seems to be very common these days. Social media and texting make it easier to say things that normally may be too risky to say out loud to someone standing right next to you. Students admit to being a lot bolder with what they type than what they’d actually say to someone they just met. Some students only use sexting with semi-strangers — in other words, people across the country whom they’ll never meet but whom they chat with online. They may feel safer sending explicit messages or pictures to someone who doesn’t know them and who wouldn’t be able to send it around their university or community. Just remember, it’s a small world: I’m always amazed at who knows who, no matter where they’re from. As stated above, once you send the picture off to someone, you lose complete control. You never know how long that person will keep the picture on their phone or what they’ll do with it once they get it in their possession.

Spice up your relationship?

Other people tell me that they only send sexually explicit messages to their boyfriend or girlfriend — in other words, to someone they trust. This may seem like a good way to spice up your relationship, but be aware that people do fight and break up. If you’ve sent messages or pictures to someone who now wants to get back at you for something, you could be in trouble. A lot of students also admit to being in a committed relationship with someone and sexting someone else. You can cheat with technology very easily. Even if the person lives across the world, if you do this behind your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s back it’s considered cheating. If your boyfriend or girlfriend finds a naked photo on your phone that a same-sex friend passed along, that could also look very bad for you. People do forward photos. You want to remove those ASAP if you’re in a relationship. Keeping them on your phone or computer, even though they were sent from a buddy, isn’t considered a smart idea.

Save some face

Another way to be safer while sexting is not to send any pictures with your face in the photo. I’ve heard students say it’s a little less likely that someone will be able to identify you in case the picture gets out to others — although, as you know from the cases of celebrities in the public eye, you don’t need to put your face in the picture for it to be able to be traced back to you. You may want to set some ground rules before you engage in such behaviors. Sexting can start arguments because some people promise something through text that they can’t deliver in person. Be careful about what you tell someone you’re willing to do. You could find yourself pressured later to go through with things that may be easier to say than to do.

The bottom line

Don’t feel pressured to engage in any sexual activities that make you feel uncomfortable. You have the right to say no. It’s also inappropriate to send naked pictures of yourself to someone who doesn’t desire to receive them. It’s not a turn-on to receive unsolicited texts or pictures of a sexual nature; it’s usually a turn-off. Don’t just assume someone is willing. Ask the person if they’re okay with it before sending anything sexual. If that person says no, be respectful. It’s also not a turn-on to beg someone for sexual material. “No” means “no.” If you proceed after this point, it’s considered sexual harassment.

As a counselor, I recommend that you educate yourself before engaging in sexting with anyone. It may seem fun, harmless, and safer than having sex, but there are still consequences that can be devastating. Be aware of all the risks before deciding what’s best for you. If you’re over 18, it isn’t illegal to send sexual material over your phone to someone else who’s over 18. You have to decide what you’re comfortable with and be strong about setting clear boundaries with others. If you start something and then feel uncomfortable, stop, and let the other person know. If they won’t stop, find a way to block them from your phone if possible, or report them for harassment.

Be smart and be safe. Safe sex isn’t just about using a condom anymore. Click here for more Sexy & Savvy posts. Share this post by using the buttons below.

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Body Sense: Beauty isn’t baked

Posted on June 29, 2011 by Ty Achilles

Contributed by C. Claire Armagnac, B.A.

Long before the guidos and guidettes of MTV’s Jersey Shore were bragging about their daily GTL (gym, tan, laundry) routine, many young people were taking the “T” to an extreme. Tanning salons have been in business in the U.S. since the 1970′s, and they are no safer today than they were when they first became popular. Avoiding tanning beds is a health-conscious decision, but there are also other things you can do to get serious about sun safety.

SPF = Super-Protected Fun

OK, SPF actually stands for “sun protection factor,” but you should still view sunscreen with a high SPF as a way to have fun outdoors without worrying about a painful, ugly sunburn. Failing to use sunscreen can lead to a variety of other problems in addition to sunburns, such as skin cancer, wrinkles, and premature aging. All sunscreens use similar chemicals to protect your skin from UVA and UVB sunrays, but dermatologists recommend that you use a broad-spectrum sunscreen with a minimum SPF of 30. Some sunscreens are labeled “waterproof,” but it is still a good idea to reapply them after you swim and towel off because water can decrease their effectiveness and toweling off can wipe them off of your skin.

Play it safe in the shade

The sun’s rays are strongest between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. If you have to be outdoors during those hours, wear extra sunscreen and try to stay in areas that are shaded by trees or tents. Wearing a wide-brimmed hat and clothing that covers your body is another way to decrease your chances of getting sunburned; some sportswear companies make lightweight clothing that is specifically designed to block UVA and UVB rays. Sun-blocking clothing tends to be a little pricey, but you may want to invest in it if you’re going to be working at a job that requires you to be outdoors all summer. Large sunglasses are fashionable, and they also protect the skin around your eyes from the wrinkles that can be caused by years of squinting.

Get a faux glow

Self-tanning lotions have improved a lot in recent years. I’ve personally had luck with several drugstore brands that allow you to build a tan gradually. I was a bridesmaid a few summers ago, and I wanted to look tan in the wedding photos, so I started applying self-tanning lotion two weeks before the wedding. I was really pale to begin with (my heritage is French and German) and ended up about four shades darker prior to the big day. Self-tanning lotions can cause the palms of your hands to look unnaturally tan if you apply them every day, so be sure to wash your hands right after application to achieve the most natural look. Some tanning salons offer spray tans, but my experience with a salon spray tan was really unpleasant, and some of the chemicals may not be safe if you inhale them.

It is also important to note that dermatologists recommend that people of all skin tones, including African Americans, use sunscreen. People with dark skin are still at risk for skin cancer, and they are also at risk for wrinkles and uneven skin tone from prolonged exposure to the sun.

This summer, try to make sun safety more than just an afterthought. When you’re a wrinkle-free 40-year-old who still gets ID’ed when buying alcohol, you’ll be glad you did!

Questions? Comments? Shoot me an email at carmagna@stetson.edu or write them in the comments section. Click here for more Body Sense posts. Share this post by using the buttons below.

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